Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
