First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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