Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
