Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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