I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
