omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you win again, gameday.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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