Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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