ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
