I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
