Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
