turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
