i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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