i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
