Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
