how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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