so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
