remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
