dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
