I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
