I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
