I'm lost and stupid without you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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