forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
