Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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