He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
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If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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