Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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