ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
