I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
