i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
