You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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