Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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