my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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