I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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