did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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