He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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