Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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