Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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