what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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