Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
