Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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