If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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