All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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