Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
