I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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