I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
