I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
