i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
