Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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