so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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