The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
