uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
