Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
