WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
