So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
