She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
