Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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