nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
