I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
