Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
