Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
