Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
