I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
