it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
