I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize