I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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