Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
