ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
