weddingsv make me drug and hornr
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
