Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
