I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
