Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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