Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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