and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im holly from the hills drunk
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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