Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
