I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
